Brian's Christmas List

The Official "Kind of Religious but Mostly Just Shameless Holiday Shopping Season" is upon us! So to help everyone out, I've simplified your worry about what to buy me!

• Fifteen little elfish gnomes to do my dirty bidding – sitting in traffic, making ‘small’ talk, cleaning that piece of wall behind the sink, washing the towels.
• The beach, for a year or so.
• A name change for the guy who owns www.brianhowell.com, or for him to be less weird.
• A thing to wear on my wrist that tells me how many steps I’ve taken.
• New and interesting and beautiful places to take steps to, all the time.
• An empty hour glass, which I can put my own sand in.
• Redskins Super Bowl. (Good luck, Santa.)
• More of the Simpsons. Forever.
• Warm socks.
• A winter with snow in Washington, D.C. for which I will wear warm socks.
• An ounce of my cat’s unfailing optimism that a nap can absolutely be had at this very moment, with no unruly consequences.
• World Peace. (Not Metta World Peace.)
• A large bowl. (For snacks.)
• HBO without having to subscribe to four hundred other crap TV channels. An FCC ruling might be necessary.
• Video games. All the video games.
• Pie.